I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
