So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
