My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
