Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
