I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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