I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
