Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
