his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
