She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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