Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
