Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
