I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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