They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bring me that man meat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
