Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
