Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
handjob tips. give me some.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
