Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
