ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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