Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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