how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
