Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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