You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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