Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
