You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
