he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
