took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
