Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
