More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
