I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
