I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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