You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
