I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Small penises have feelings too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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