I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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