i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
