apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
