he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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