Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My friends, they love my intelligence
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
