ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
