you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
