i need an iv and a liver transplant
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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