There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
jump out the window naked night went bad
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