New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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