My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
