I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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