whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
