Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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