I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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