paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
