The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What drink are we having for lunch?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
