you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
