so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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